Not what it seems Or is it?
by Ferkelnase
Summary: "Just… wait a minute… you told I was your what! Say Princess, what have you gotten yourself into that you ask me of all people to act as your Husband?" What has Effie done to ask such a favor of Haymitch? And why of any people had she choosen him for this purpose? Find out :)
1. Chapter 1

**So, uhm, hello at first. This is my very first fanfic I wrote. Ever. And I am not that sure where all this will go ;) I had this idea reading through all the little Drabbles based on that Paring and I admit, I am a bit in love with this ^^ And with all of that Haffie Stuff inside my head there was this idea I would like to read. So I thought about writing to another writer to do something with my idea. But then it was like: Hey, why not try it yourself. And here is the result of it. Sorry if there are some mistake in this Story, my first language is German and the grammar is so stuck inside my head ^^**

**Enjoy**

**Disclaimer: Nothing's mine.**

It was unbelievable. What was she getting him into? Sitting there, sipping on some herbal Tea, having Smalltalk. With her mother. He never thought he could go any deeper than were he had already been. And that already have been the lowest you could ever imagine.

But just start at the beginning.

"Haymitch, I called you just 3 weeks ago to ask if you could join me with an important appointment. It's just 3 days left and you can't remember anything I told you? I also wrote it in a letter, because I knew you would forget what we talked about." He sensed that everything he would say now would be wrong. So he was quiet. For now.

He held the telephone to his ear, he could hear her breathing heavily in and out, but he wasn't sure what to do next. He had forgotten what she said, she was right about this.

But not on purpose. Also the letter she had written to him just lay next to him on the kitchen counter. Problem was, that it was drowning with booze he had spilled over t and it was nothing to do about the letter, it was unreadable.

He thought about just leaving her there on the phone, hang up and have a nice evening with his best friend Scotch. Instead he had a nice moment and decided to answer her. "Princess, if it is this important to you, you should have done more than just that small letter and a phone call. See, you know how I am, so what are you expecting now? Go down on my knees begging for forgiveness? I don't think so. I can make up for it, if you just tell me again what's the matter of the twist in your knickers." If he had seen it coming he would have held the telephone wide away. Her outburst was unexpected, even to him. "HAYMITCH ABERNATHY, you damn drunkard, I just asked you for one small thing, that's very important to me and all you do is making fun of it!"

Haymitch was beyond hearing, there was just some tingling left in his ear where he had held the telephone. Effie always was calm and referring to her manners, but this… this had been a thunderstorm of hers.

"See Darling, just tell me again what was the matter. And we can make it up then. Not a big deal. Just tell me," he said to her to calm her down and get over with her speech. Rolling his eyes at all that drama he opened a new bottle of Rippers booze with his teeth and spit the cork down on the floor. Someone would clean it up someday, he thought.

At the other end of the line was dead silence. Just her breathing could be heard so he asked: "Still there Trinket?"

"Haymitch. What should I do with you? Even if I tell you know, who could say you won't forget it again just after we hung up? And why can you just not read my letter? Everything is explained there." Effie ran her hand over her eyes in frustration. Why was she even trying to get through to him? Even is she figure it out with him now, tell him what she was expecting and was would be expected from the both of them, how in the world should she do all this within 3 days?

Haymitch sensed that what ever she wanted from him really was important to her. He actually never heard her swearing before. Never. Not in the twelve years they were working together as the District 12 Escort she was and the Mentor to the kids that he should be.

"Ok, listen," she would give it another try, "I called you to ask you if you could do me a really big favor. I gotten into something that I am not able to get out without help from someone else. And that someone will be you, understand?" He nodded in agreement, but remembered that she couldn't see it. So he said: „Sure. Get on with it so I can get back to my couch and do what's best for me." Effie took another deep breath to continue:"I need someone to accompany me to a meeting. Not something official for the Capitol, just something private, but not less important. Haymitch, swear that you would not laugh at me again like you did the last time." His forehand wrinkled with suspicion, why should he laugh about something where he just had to go with her though?

"Ok Sweetheart, some on, spit it out so I can think about it and tell you what's the price you have to pay in return."

'Just like the last time,' she frowned. If she wouldn't know any better she would say she had a deja'vu for what he was telling her. She was a bit nervous about what she would ask of him. But she already managed it once, so why was she hesitating? Was it because of his drinking? Maybe she would fine someone else for the meeting, someone with manners and good behavior like Cinna or someone now completely strange to her. That would be easier than the task she would have to do to het Haymitch in Place. Everyone would sense that something was behind the bush when she would come up with him. That something wasn't right about all the things she told them beforehand. About her job, her friends, her income and of course: of her Finance.

"You have to come with me to my Family. And act as if you are my soon to bee Husband."

Effie closed her eyes and was waiting for his outburst of laughter and all the insults that she had to hear the first time she asked him.

He pressed the laughter that rippled trough him away the best as he could, but she could make out through the phone that he was near exploding with laughter.

"Just… wait a minute… you told I was your what?! Say Princess, what have you gotten yourself into that you ask me of all people to act as your Husband? Is there no one else who can jump in for that cause? No Capitol men at your hand that would love to play a roll in your little nasty play? Why me Sweetheart? Just give me one reason why I should come to the Capitol and make a fool of myself? You know, there are other men out there who are a lot better match than I am?"

If it wasn't for her, he would have hung up that damn phone. Maybe he was drunk but he was not stupid. If she was asking him such a big favor, there was no other one who could go with her. And despite the fighting, shrieking and maybe also a bit of hate that the two had for each other, he knew when she was in trouble. He liked her. A tiny bit. Just enough not to start laughing, because she sounded damn serious.

"Ok Princess, what do I have to do then? Make it quick, so I have you off my back."

So she started explaining it again to him. And that's were all the trouble really began.

**I really hope you enjoyed what I wrote for you. In the end , it's not going to be a one shot as I first decided. So there will be more if you like ^^**


	2. Chapter 2

**So, here is my second Chapter. I am really surprised that everything went so well with this idea. Let's continue then.**

3 days later his train arrived at the Capitol. Effie had to remind him of this 2 other times and also made sure with some attendants that he really had boarded the train.

She wasn't surprised when she saw him at the station, when he looked like ever. His clothes were wrinkled, his liquor bottle in the pocket from his coat. Effie rolled her eyes, same old same new. In the following days she would have enough to do with getting him ready for the meeting.

Haymitch looked for her, through all the Capitol clowns it sometimes was hard to tell who is who. When his eyes finally met hers, she put on a smile and walked towards him. "So you finally made it," she hit at him. "Princess, how am I supposed to not make it when you at least wouldn't stop nagging at me with the problem of yours? At least you nearly drove me insane with calling and talking and shit," he growled. 'How nice', she thought. "Manners, Haymitch, Manners," she chirped at him and took of for him to follow her to fetch a ride to her Apartment.

That was when he took in her appearance for the first time. And in an instant his eyes were hurting. Effie was wearing a neon pink Skirt Costume, matched with green heels and a light yellow wig. He felt like throwing up. The colors were hurting his eyes, the clicking of her three inch heels was driving him insane.

What on hell drove him to accept her offer? Before he could get further with his thinking they made it to the entrance and there was already a cab waiting for them. He put his little luggage in the trunk and sat on the backseat next to her.

Effie gave her address to the driver and they sat in silence until she put a stack of papers out of her bag and handed them to him.

"If you don't mind, this is all the important stuff you have to know. Read through it, learn it and please, please keep straight to what's on them. No improvising." Haymitch rolled his eyes and took the papers, just to fold them and not even have a look at them.

"Tell me Princess, what the hell is so difficult at acting like a couple? Holding hands, share glances, that couldn't be that hard. So why all of this?" he put the bottle of booze out of his pocket, opened it and was about to take a deep gulp when the bottle was snatched out of his hands. Angry he glanced to her. When the time of his stay would be like this all the time he was fucked.

"Haymitch, you promised me you would be at least be sober for the time you are staying with me!" She was getting him a headache. A really bad headache.

"Princess, if I had promised something like that to you, at least I should remember it, don't you think, " he said with another growl, trying to reach his oh so precious liquor from her.

"You are not even able to remember what socks you put on this morning! So what makes you think you can remember what promises you made?!"

She got a point with this he had to admit. His socks were black. That's what he was sure about. Just to test his brain, he stretched his leg to see if he was right.

"Damn it," he muttered under his breath so she wasn't able to hear him. They were brown. One. The other was blue.

So maybe she was right?

"Maybe I will cut down to it. But that will cost you, you know?"

Effie was near to exploding. She of course had seen that he was wearing two different socks. And of course he had not agreed on being sober for his stay. But why should she tell him? Maybe she could get through with her plan to get the meeting done without any problems and also get him sober for at least a few days.

Without any further discussion they arrived at her Apartment building. She paid off the driver and they went to the elevator to get up to the fifth floor to her Apartment.

They rode up in silence, Effie opened her yellow painted door with the security code and they went inside.

He was a bit taken by surprise when he realized that her Apartment was nearly plain white. There were just a few Paintings on the walls that brought a bit of Capitol flair to it, but without that he thought, the Apartment could also be in a Building in the Districts. It wasn't that overwhelming as he thought and it was a nice surprise. Maybe the next days would be more relaxing than he thought.

Effie showed him her guest room painted in a sandy tone on the walls and a nice fluffy carpet. In his opinion the floor felt even better than his own bed.

But that's a point he wouldn't let her see. He was just here to help her out, have a nice few days and get his loan out of this.

And what he was getting was it worth doing this masquerade.

"You can unpack your clothes and then I would like to have you on my couch to get trough the pages I gave to you. Haymitch, this is really important to me and I would appreciate it if it goes as smooth as possible. "

"Sure Princess, you can … have me on your couch if this is what you desire," he answered her with a dirty little smirk on his lips. He wasn't sure if she would get his hint, but she went crimson from head to toe that even he could see it under her pale white make up she was wearing.

He laughed silently when he opened his small suitcase and threw his few belongings in the dresser. Then he carefully unwrapped his precious. Two bottles of Rippers finest booze. He was certain, if she knew he brought something of that stuff with him she would freak out and would empty it into the sink. But he would hide it, just underneath his boxers where she never would expect this.

After all this he went to her living room where she already had seated herself and was sipping on a glass of orange juice.

In front of here on her small coffee table was the same stack of papers she had given to him, and he was sure about what was coming next.

"Fine, you made it," she chirped and patted on the couch next to her. Just out of habit he searched for something to drink left for him, Effie saw his gazing eyes, took a glass out of the stacker underneath the table and also poured him a glass of orange juice.

His disgusted look nearly made her laugh. He was looking like she just offered him a glass of cow blood or something other nearly disgusting.

"You sure you want to give me this to get my full attention to what you want to tell me? I'm not quite sure if this will do, Effie. Even if I promised to cut down a bit, how I am supposed to stay focused?" Effie sighed about his behavior and grabbed under the table to show of a bottle of wine, leftover from a few days prior.

"This has to do for now, could we PLEASE start now Haymitch? Like I told you a hundred times, we have to go through with this as professional as possible."

Haymitch himself opened the bottle and took a deep gulp of wine before he set it down on the table and leant back on the couch to let her get trough with her speech.

"So, at first: Here is a list of how our relationship went. We met at the games, dated for nearly two years before you proposed to me when Katniss and Peeta won the games. We married three month later without any other people, just the two of us and a given best man and bridesmaid. That will make my mother suspicious but I know we will be able to come up with something, to cover that up." Effie took a sip from her Juice and glanced to his side, just to see that he must have dozen off due to the long train ride he just had. But that was no excuse for her to not listen to her very very important speech.

Effie shook his shoulder lightly, and he stirred and opened one eye to look at her. "What's all that even about Effie? Why you did even lied about all this stuff? What do you thought that you would get away with that?"

Despite her otherwise bubbly behavior she sat there silent for a few seconds. Then Effie took a deep breath and started to explain I to him:" See, I have an older sister, her name's Dotty. She is just perfect. She is self-employed with a nice, good going atelier. She designed cloth for all high Capitol citizens. Dotty has a nice Husband, Steven, two nice, well educated kids, and just the perfect life you dream about when you live here. On the other hand there is me. Escort for District twelve, never to use the studies I took on design school, just trying to cope with the all time drunk that you are. I had just a few on-off relationships, and if not a fairy will show off at night, it wouldn't change in the near future. So, is that enough explaining to you why I told her that? Why I want to be my mother to be proud of me? That I am also worth her attention and not only my oh so ppppeeerfect sister?"

Haymitch sat up during her monologue, keeping a close eye to her. During all what she was saying she spoke herself in a state of hysteria. He put his head to the side, eying her suspicious. She was jealous. Like hell. And that was her way making it up to everyone and be just as good as her sister was.

"So that's were the elephant is hiding," he told her, without any mocking in his tone, but just because there were already tears glistening inside her eyes.  
"I just want to be as good as her, you know," she told him, sniffing a bit, but hiding her feelings just as good as possible. Even if she wants him to act with her, she was not ready to show her real self to him. That was something that he most definitely not will see in the near future. So she thought.

"Ok, then, how we are supposed to make up for all this stuff? There are no documents that will testify the wedding, nor are there any pictures from us together," he told her, eying the situation.

Effie sighed and grabbed another time under the table to show off a small velvet box. She cleared her throat and handed it to him to take a closer look. At first sight he was sure there was something in it that he wouldn't like at all.

With a sigh he opened it just to reveal a paid of matching gold wedding bands. "Thinking about everything, are you Princess?"

She smiled a bit, and took the smaller ring out of the box and put it on her finger. It was a strange feeling and so she took a look at him to see that he had put his ring on without any complaining. That was really new for her. She herself had thought that he would make a scene about all the stuff she was planning to show off that she also was worth it.

"Looks nice on you," she muttered and went red again. He noticed the embarrassed mood in the room and took his ring off again and put it back in the box. "I will wear it when necessary. So, what's next," he asked and wasn't ready for what was awaiting him.

Effie stuttered a bit when she told him the next step they had to take when they want to make the whole story as believable as possible.

"We also have to take some wedding pictures to show off to my mother…" she said it as quiet as possible so that he maybe would not understand her.

She shut her eyes and waited for his outburst to come.


End file.
